Therapy with Team Taka Sasunaru
by JustADayDreamer72
Summary: What happens when Sasuke, Jugo, Karin, and Suigetsu go to group therapy to try and solve the team's problems? Well, it gets messy. Sasunaru.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters other than myself, and well- morgan owns herself.

All characters besides said 2 belong to masashi kishimoto 3

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Therapy Session: Team Taka

"Hello and welcome to Team Taka's first therapy session with yours truly and Morgan. We have determined that the team really could use some further assistance in their lack of communication and cooperation skills and are going to help get to the bottom of these issues. We are not so sure how well this is going to go, so if it gets ugly, don't be surprised. So on that note, let's get started!"

**10:00am**

Team Taka entered the room with smug expressions, each member trying to sit as far from the other as possible. Sasuke sat in a chair closest to the window, Karin on a couch with Juugo sitting between her and Suigetsu. Karin had her eyes glued onto Sasuke whom sat expressionless on the chair, while Suigetsu was leaned against the arm of the couch, staring at Juugo whom was contently in the middle gazing at the floor. Morgan and myself sat in two other chairs that were settled infront of the clients, each of us holding a clipboard and ecstatic expressions. However we had to do our best to maintain our calm and collected expressions-for we were the ones giving the therapy. With a deep breath from the both of us, we smiled awkwardly at our new clients and set our clipboards on our laps, "Well then, let's get started. I am your therapist, Logan Sheils, and this is my assistant Morgan Zarpentine, and today we are going to discuss some of the miscommunication and problems your team is fa-"

"It's all that idiot Suigetsu's fault! He doesn't shut up and all he does is harass me and bitch and moan about having to work so much! If he would just-"

"You bitch! I do all the work on this team! What do you do? All you do is try to flirt with Sasuke and get him to like you! You don't give a damn about this team and are just here for your own selfish reasons! NEWSFLASH REJECT-HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU-NONE OF US DO-SO DIE."

"Shut up Suigetsu! God you're such a worthless-"

"Alrighty then, I think we know where we need to start." I cut the two arguing clients off and sighed, _This is going to be harder than I anticipated. _"Okay, before I get interrupted again, I want to hear from each of you why you are on this team to begin with. " I figured we should start simple so we don't overwhelm Karin's minute mental capacity, and I don't want to pay for any damages they may create during this session.

"Well I'm here because Sasuke asked me to assist him on his journey to kill Itachi, so I figured it was better than hanging around Orochimaru's place any longer." Suigetsu answered bluntly, his fingers tracing circles around the material pattern of the couch arm. Karin didn't look convinced, she just tossed her hair and huffed her meaningless opinion to Morgan and I.

"Well I'm here because-"

"You're obsessed with Sasuke and only came along to flirt and harass the hell out of him." Suigetsu muttered with a low chuckle. Karin heard him and threw herself over Juugo's lap in the attempt to grab Suigetsu around his neck. Juugo grabbed Karin's waist and tossed her back into her seat with a loud thud and went back to his peaceful position between them. Suigetsu grinned his sharp teeth and stuck his tongue out at Karin as she sat fumigating in her seat. I sighed again, barely able to bear the annoyance of this team in my office. Morgan had a brow raised to Karin, her lip twitching as if she wanted to slap her across the face. I didn't stop her, for I wanted to hurt her just as much. Suigetsu was making sense, for he was spot on Karin's motives. But we only know that because we're just as obsessed as Karin.

"Okay then. Juugo, why are you on the team?" Morgan asked politely, seeing as how Juugo was the only somewhat sane one on the team we couldn't help but feel sympathy for him for dealing with these lunatics. He was hesitant to answer-for such a big guy he was shy as a kitten-but after a moment of thinking, he looked up from the ground and gazed his flame colored hues to us and spoke calmly.

"To protect Sasuke."

"That's very kind of you Juugo, we appreciate your bravery for putting up with this team." I stated sympathetically. That only left the leader of team Taka, Sasuke Uchiha: My husband [in my mind]. He hadn't moved in the slightest through all the fighting that had just happened: he remained staring out the window with his head on his hand in total silence. You'd think he was waiting for something.

"Uh, Sasuke, why did you start team Taka?" Morgan asked hesitantly, already fully aware of the answer, but she had to ask in order to get down to the real problems of the dysfunctional team. Everyone's gaze suddenly shifted over to the raven haired teen who simply shot a demonic glare to Morgan as if telling her to start running. Morgan wasn't going to be fooled- we both knew Sasuke's personality very well and weren't going to budge. She glared back intently until he answered in an oh-so-pissed-off-tone,

"To take down my brother, Itachi Uchiha, and make him pay for all the suffering he's caused me."

Well that was obvious. We already knew that. Morgan and I looked at eachother and nodded, determining that we could now safely ask a more advanced question. I forced a smile to the team and tapped my pen onto my clipboard.

"Okay, moving on. In order to determine how we can fix the problems your team is facing, we must decide who the deadweight of the team is. For if you were all giving your all, you would have already destroyed Konoha and gotten all your revenge a long time ago. So, who do you guys think is the least helpful to the success of your team?" Almost immediately after I said that, Suigetsu's hand shot over to point at Karin confidently.

"The useless fangirl to my left. She's better off dead. That way we could use her as a shield or something to throw at the enemy." He laughed in pride of his insult and smirked over to the now infuriated Karin. Her rose red hair was rising on its ends as she stood up from the couch and made her way over to Suigetsu's side of the couch, grabbing his collar and pulling him up to meet her enflamed gaze.

"EXCUSE ME? WOULD YOU LIKE TO REPEAT THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT? I DO WAY MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND! GOD, SASUKE IS EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF MY HARDWORK AND I'M SURE HE'D SAVE MY LIFE ANYTIME! UNLIKE YOUR USELESS ASS!" Karin was flailing Suigetsu back and forth now, strangling him in the process. In a bold attempt to make piece, Juugo tried to pull Karin away from Suigetsu with little success, only making her angrier than she was. She glared at Juugo and flung Suigetsu's body around to land on Juugo-forcing him back a few feet. Juugo held onto the now dizzy Suigetsu and winced. He felt his curse mark getting the best of him and looked behind him to wear Sasuke would have been sitting, for Sasuke was the only one who could keep his curse mark in check.

**2 minutes prior to fighting**

While Suigetsu gave his statement about Karin's uselessness, Morgan and I noticed a slow movement out of the corner of our eye. I noticed it first and elbowed Morgan whom was doodling pictures of SasuxNaru on her clipboard. "What?" She whispered to me, upset that I'd intruded on her gaytastic drawing. "Did you see Sasuke move?" I cocked my head over to Sasuke's chair that was now mysteriously empty. "W-what the hell? Where'd he go?" I exclaimed quietly, shaking Morgan's shoulder violently so she'd see that he'd somehow disappeared in 10 seconds. She blinked in utter confusion and pointed her pen to the window that was now wide open. "He ditched! That bastard! He can't just leave therapy!" Morgan and I both looked from the chair to the window numerous times, in shock at how he'd made it out without us even realizing it until it was too late. We got up from our chairs quickly and ran over to the window to see where Sasuke had gone, but before we got the chance Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo began to fight with each other, leaving us to only get a glimpse of blonde hair meshing with familiar pale fingers in an ally across from the office.

"That loser." I chimed in, laughing at the irony compared to the situation to Morgan's clipboard doodles. The clients were too busy beating eachother to realize that Sasuke was gone, and as much as we wanted to go find Sasuke and bring him back, we assumed he'd be back in at least 5 minutes do to process of elimination. With a melancholy sigh from each of us, we ran to the fighting teammates and made a bold attempt to break them up just as Juugo noticed Sasuke's disappearance.

**Now**

"Oi oi oi! We're never going to solve any problems if you guys keep fighting!" I yelled out, tackling Karin from behind and pinning her on the ground with her arms locked behind her back. She fought back fiercly, but I managed to sit and hold her down for a few moments while Morgan and Juugo tied Suigetsu into a wooden chair that sat beside the couch. Juugo then took Karin from my hold and tied her to another chair on the opposite side of the room. They both protested their new restraints- but hey, they did it to themselves.

Morgan, Juugo, and I gave a sigh of relief and sat back in our spots in exhaustion. The office was now a mess, and Sasuke had yet to come back. "Jeez, you guys are ridiculous. How have you guys not killed eachother yet?" Morgan questioned, picking her clipboard up and going back to her doodles. However she was now drawing Karin hanging by a noose from a tree-how appropriate. Juugo sat stiffly in his center of the couch and shrugged slightly, his hues trailing over to the window Sasuke had disappeared from.

"I have an idea." He said near silently.

"And that would be?" Morgan and I asked simultaneously.

Juugo got up and made his way to the wide open window, holding his arm out of it for a moment before pulling it back in. Only when he'd brought it back in there was a small bird perched on his arm. "Go find Sasuke." He muttered quietly to the bird. Juugo had an affinity for talking to animals- not like stupid talking, more like through chakra sensory I guess. I don't know, Juugo is just cool like that. After the bird heard his command, it flew back off through the window and Juugo sat back down in waiting for the bird's return. Suigetsu and Karin were glaring at each other as they sat tied down, muttering insults to each other every few seconds.

"Ugly bitch."

"Fish boy."

"That' all you have to say?" Suigetsu scoffed and leaned his chair towards Karin, gladly provoking her anger.

Ignoring the two infantile teammates, I looked over to Juugo and grinned deviously, suddenly getting an enlightened plan to push along the therapy. "Hey Juugo, let's make a little bet shall we?" Morgan looked at me curiously, unsure of my intentions. Juugo had a similar expression of wonder painted across his face as he asked, "What are we betting on?" I grinned wider, leaning forward in my chair to fold my hands over themselves and place my chin on top of them with a dark chuckle, "Sasuke's sexual orientation." Everyone besides Morgan and me was taken aback by my betting topic. Karin suddenly turned a deep red and became furious, flailing around in her chair as she yelled in protest, "What is that supposed to mean? Are you implying that Sasuke is gay? Are you stupid? There's no way he –"She was cut off again by Juugo duct taping her mouth shut. Both Suigetsu and I chuckled victoriously at Juugo's action, mentally fist pumping with joy.

"Juugo you're a beast! Took you long enough to shut that broad up!" Suigetsu was pleased, and didn't even take the time to notice the odd subject we were betting on. Juugo went back to his seat, again, and raised a brow to my strange bet.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, we can only assume Sasuke is out there with _someone_ doing _something _that we all really want to know. So why not place a bet on his sexual orientation? Winner gets 20 bucks." I stated. Morgan realized where I was going with this and jumped in excitedly, pointing her pen back to the window, "Right!" Karin's face was paned with terror and madness, while Suigetsu was intrigued by the new topic.

"Well, I think he's out getting busy with some chick, it wouldn't surprise me considering how attractive he is." Suigetsu said bluntly, causing all of us in the room to look at him with a new outlook on his sexual orientation. He blinked and shrugged, looking off to the side, "But I'm just saying."

"I think he's straight as well." Juugo replied blankly, however his eyes said differently.

"Ajfisdhnslmrsov." Karin muffled out, shaking her head up and down trying to make what looked like a straight line. I assumed she meant he was straight.

"Gayyyyyyyyyyyydar." Morgan enunciated while waving her pen to the tune of her voice. I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back in my chair.

"He's gay. You guys clearly don't know your leader very well. Did he ever mention that his first kiss was with a boy by the name of Naruto Uzumaki?" I crossed my right leg up over the left and pointed my finger towards the window along with Morgan's pen. "So it's 3 for straight and two for gay? Final bets?"

Everyone else was too dumbfounded by the first kiss secret I brought up to object to my bet finalization.

"Super!" Morgan and I grinned and high fived each other victoriously at how we'd be 60 dollars richer by the end of this therapy session. It was cruel to hustle people, but it's a nice way of opening up the secrets the team is holding back from each other. We have an evil maniacal way of performing therapy.

**10 minutes later**

"Maybe he died." Suigetsu was rocking back and forth in his chair in an extremely bored manner, gazing up at the ceiling for answers. Morgan had completely filled her clipboard sheet with doodles now, running out of space she sighed and complained, "This is ridiculous, how many rounds do they go? Don't they get tired?" I laughed obnoxiously at her comment and smacked at the arm of my chair, "Well with that Tsukiyomi they could be there forever." Morgan and I were going through fits of laughter now, fantasizing the possibilities as to why Sasuke was taking so long. Juugo was now sprawled out on the couch, half asleep out of boredom. Karin was still trying to break free from her tied up hold with no success, bouncing her chair around in frustration every few minutes.

"Juugo, where'd your bird go? It hasn't come back yet?" I asked in concern for the bird, thinking it had found Sasuke but died from being traumatized. Juugo shrugged it off like it was insignificant. _Okay then. _

"I have another idea! To prove our theories!" I bolted from my chair and put my hands to my hips, waiting for a nonexistent glow to shine around my brilliance. Everyone looked to me with their eyes glazed over; ready for whatever would stop the boredom floating in the therapy room.

"We could all hide and shut the lights off, so when he comes back he can think we left and then BAM! We interrogate him!" I exclaimed, making an explosion effect with my hands as if acting out the plan. Suigetsu nodded stupidly, agreeing with my plan as if it were full proof- which it was. "Perfect! Then we can nail the son of a bitch!" Juugo had nothing better to do than agree, so he responded with a solid, "Sure." Karin couldn't really disagree considering she was tied to a chair and her mouth was duct taped. So she just hung her head in hatred of therapy.

Initiating our plan, Juugo and I untied Suigetsu and told him to hide under my desk, while Morgan hatefully untied Karin and told her to hide behind a plant we had sitting in a corner of the room-refusing to take the tape off her mouth. Karin knew better than to try and take it off, she was starting to feel threatened by the situation so she didn't even bother arguing. Juugo hid behind the couch after hitting the lights, and Morgan and I sat in the coat closet with the door somewhat creaked open,_ all that's left to do now is wait for his ass to crawl back in. _I thought to myself as I could sense the five of us staring at the east window like our lives depended on it.

"What do we do when he comes back?" Morgan breathed out in question to me.

"Juugo's going to take him down, then Suigetsu is going to tie him to the chair he was in earlier, and I'm going to blindfold him just in case he decides to pull any Sharingan business on us. Then, we bust out the interrogation. I mean, he ruined the therapy session. But at least now we can open up that box of secrets the team leader has been holding back. Who knows, maybe it will help the team." I shrugged and leaned against the closet door in waiting, Morgan nodding at my plan. _I have to think of everything. _I rolled my eyes and chuckled at what my life was coming down to: nabbing gay guys in the act and hustling his teammates.

**Ten minutes after that**

"Holy fuck, seriously Sasuke?" Suigetsu again. He was growing more impatient than the rest of us, his complaints heard by the rest of us in the room. I heard Juugo sigh as well. Karin was silent-most likely sulking at the possibility of her crush being a total flamer. Morgan and I hadn't moved in the slightest: our eyes were dead set on that window. Then it happened. We all stopped our breaths as we saw a silhouette of a boy crawling through the window awkwardly. He was having obvious trouble, but he managed to drop through the opening and onto the carpet floor with a thorough _thump._ He landed on his back and stood up abnormally slow, his right hand clutching the small of his own back with a groan. Morgan was squinting at the shadow intently while I had my jaw dropped at the scene. I was fairly sure everyone was in just as much shock as I, but I had a feeling this wasn't the biggest of surprises to come.

We had all now established it was clearly Sasuke just based on his voice and tone. It was mysterious, dark, and the voice of an avenger. He had dropped himself on the couch, his chest rising and contracting at an alarming rate as his heavy breathing drifted through all of our ears. However I'd noticed something from when Sasuke had been here earlier and him now; he was missing the black sweatshirt he'd had on previously. Maybe that wasn't significant, but to me it was everything. Morgan must have noticed it too because she made a motion of tapping at her arm to symbolize a sweatshirt to me. I nodded. Sasuke's breathing had slowed a bit, but he was clearly exhausted and on the verge of passing out by the looks of his body movements. Without a moment's notice he sat up from the couch and stripped himself of his t-shirt, tossing it back to the floor before lying back down on the couch. I could already imagine Karin drooling at Sasuke, and mentally stealing his shirt with her creepy obsessive-ness. _He had to have just had sex, what collected person stumbles through a window, holds their sore body, collapses onto a couch panting, and strips off their shirt? _Deciding that I was right, I looked over to Morgan for permission to give the signal to Juugo, she nodded, and I whistled.

This is where it gets good.

Juugo leapt from behind the couch and tackled the now mortified Sasuke, picking him up and throwing him into the wooden chair the Suigetsu had already appeared at with rope, tying Sasuke down in a good 5 seconds I emerged from the closet and blindfolded him swiftly.

Success is sweet.

Sasuke was thrashing around in the chair at this point, refusing to be restrained by his therapists and comrades. Morgan and Karin approached the rest of us who were standing in front of Sasuke, while Juugo went and flicked the lights back on. Surprise surprise.

"Damn Sasuke, I always figured you were rough during sex, but DAMN." Suigetsu laughed at Sasuke's mess of a body. By mess, I mean in these terms:

-Covered from the jaw line to waist in hickeys

-light scratches tracing around his shoulders and sides

-Hair disheveled beyond compare

-Pants still half undone

Yes, we had all determined he'd been up in someone. Karin's face was like the scream painting by Van Gough, Juugo was beyond words, and Suigetsu was ready to give him a high five if he wasn't tied down. Morgan and I were in a similar expression to Suigetsu-but more excited for the answers they were going to pull out of him from interrogation. I approached Sasuke gladly and leaned down to his ear, "I'll take the blindfold off if you promise to play nice." He thought about it for a minute and stopped thrashing to ponder the possibility of cooperating, complying afterwards in defeat. I smiled and untied the blindfold, seeing Sasuke's flushed pale skin. He hadn't flipped out yet, so that was a good sign.

"Now, where the hells were you and why did you ditch out on therapy?" Morgan glared at him, poking a finger at one of the reddish purple hickeys on Sasuke's chest. He winced and dug his feet into the carpet, his teeth gritting together in pain.

"I went out for some fresh air." He breathed out sharply, but it didn't fly with us.

"Karin, do it." I motioned for her to perform her chakra sensory technique in which she is capable of telling if a person is lying or not based on their chakra flow. She nodded hesitantly and made a hand sign, closing her eyes as she focused on the flow of Sasuke's chakra. Sasuke wouldn't budge; he just looked at the floor furiously and tried to settle his breathing back to normal.

"He's lying." Karin said after about 30 seconds.

"Figured." I sighed and rolled my eyes at Sasuke, tilting his chair back violently as I grinned maniacally at him, "Listen Sasuke, I'm going to make this easy, since you clearly suck at lying and are covered in evidence. Did you just get busy with Naruto?" Suigetsu burst out in a fit of hilarity, doubling over in laughter.

"Dude, if you do happen to swing that way I am SO sorry for being naked when we first met." He couldn't contain himself, and neither could Morgan and I. We were all laughing uncontrollably at Suigetsu's humor, while Karin had already fainted in disbelief. Juugo had a brow raised to Sasuke, as if speaking to him telepathically. Sasuke was eroding with humiliation at this point. He didn't know whether or not to lie or tell the truth, for either way he was going to be busted. He _was_ covered in evidence. _Ku-so…this is what I get for being uke..ONCE. _

Sasuke sighed and bit at his bottom lip nervously, observing his possible escape routes. There were none that were logical or even possible for his current situation, so he had no other option but to just give in. They'd know if he was lying anyway. "Traitors…" He muttered to the floor in reference to his comrades, his body still stinging from the scratches burning into his sides. As painful as it was, Sasuke closed his charcoal hues tightly and let his bangs fall before his face, hanging his head while he stated to everyone in the room,

"Yes. I, Sasuke Uchiha, am in an intimate relationship with that bastard whose going to violently pay for it tonight, Naruto Uzumaki."

"HA! HA HA HA! JUUGO YOU LITTLE BITCH I WANT MY TWENTY RIGHT NOW! THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU TEAM TAKA!" I shouted in sheer amazement. I knew this already, that's why I did it. Morgan and I were both jumping around in circles now around Sasuke, while Suigetsu kicked Karin in the side to wake her up from her fainted stupor so she could pay up with the rest of her team. Sasuke looked up sharply and shot the most hell struck glare to all of us I had ever seen.

"You bet on my sexuality?"

With proud grins, Morgan and I stuck out our tongues and gave peace signs to the raven haired avenger. Juugo sighed, realizing this whole situation could have been avoided if Sasuke had just waited until therapy was over.

"Why didn't you wait Sasuke? Then this wouldn't have happened."

Sasuke pursed his ivory lips and looked off to the right, shrugging his scarred shoulders, "It's Naruto's birthday today. And since therapy was getting nowhere, I decided I'd leave for a few minutes to go see him at the Ichiraku Ramen. One thing led to another and-"

"Dude, I'm cool with the ass taking thing, but please just don't go in depth about it." Suigetsu held his hand out in front of him as if saying stop, laughs still leaving his lips as he tossed Sasuke's shirt back over to his lap. I untied Sasuke with a chuckle, in which he painfully put his shirt back on and stood up ever so slowly. I blinked, still somewhat confused and tilted my head to Sasuke, "Hey, Sasuke, if you're the seme, why are you the one whose all beat up and sore?"

Another demonic glare.

"Oh ho ho, so that's Naruto's birthday present? Dominance?" Morgan tugged Karin up off the floor, slapping her across the face to bring her back to reality. Karin ripped the duct tape off her lips in extreme pain, before yelling out at Sasuke, "So I'm in love with a homo?"

"Way to pick em' stupid." Suigetsu rolled his eyes and walked over to the hunched over in pain Sasuke, smacking him on the back mockingly, "I thought you were the big bad Sasuke Uchiha who could take anything, but I guess you just can't handle being taken over hm?" Sasuke nearly collapsed onto the ground in agony from the smack to the back, shooting dagger eyes at Suigetsu. "Shut, the hell up, you fish boy." He murmured, stepping his way closer to the door leaving the therapy office, caring less about the rest of his team. Suigetsu scoffed and threw his head back with a laugh, "I'd rather be fish boy than butt sexer!" This petty arguing went on between them for a good five minutes until Karin came and hit Suigetsu over the head with her fist, "You jerk! This is obviously just a phase Sasuke is going through! So be considerate and he'll get through this in no time!" She looked over to Sasuke for approval only to receive a look from his Sharingan-Tsukiyomi. Within ten seconds she was sucked into his gazed and knocked out. She almost hit the floor again if Juugo hadn't caught her and thrown her over his back, nodding to Sasuke.

"Well, I'm glad we all learned something today from therapy. Right Taka?" Morgan and I smiled innocently to them, hands on our hips with pride.

Painstaking nods came from Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Juugo.

"And what did you all learn?"

"Sasuke likes it rough and in the ass."

"…."

"I have the worst comrades in the world."

"Fabulous. Now shoo shoo my boys and bitch. Remember to come back for your session next week!" Morgan winked and waved goodbye to the team we'd grown so close with during a whole hour, while I nodded and waved as well, shutting the door behind them with a gentle _click._

"Morgan, we need to end this with something funny, pick up that milk."

"Yes Ma'am! Hehe M-"

"DID SOMEBODY JUST TRY QUOTING NTAS?" Two random strangers burst in through the door, standing triumphantly in front of Morgan and me.

"MasakoX?" I exclaimed with a loud fangirl squeal.

"Vegeta3986?" Morgan's jaw dropped in awe.

"My life, is, complete." Morgan and I stated simultaneously.

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So so so how was it? xDD funny huh? Yeah i threw some NTAS in there, yay abridged!~

So please review and tell me what you thought!

3


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